


Sleepless

by Arrival_Of_Dawn



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Attraction, Best Friends, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Friendship/Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:54:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25753186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arrival_Of_Dawn/pseuds/Arrival_Of_Dawn
Summary: One thing Cerberus didn't manage to upgrade about Shepard were her bouts of insomnia. Thankfully with a little help from her best friend she finds she can deal with it a little better.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Comments: 5
Kudos: 35





	Sleepless

Sleep was an arduous challenge Shepard did not want to tackle. Coming back to life had been difficult to say the least and grappling with her second chance only made her previous insomniac bouts that much harder to control.

For one thing there was the guilt. Shepard knew she was a symbol, and in her death a near martyr. She was a decorated soldier and the first human spectre, but what did any of that matter come the end of the day? What made Shepard so special that she was brought back from the jaws of death while others could not? Good soldiers like Ashley deserved to live, so why was Shepard breathing again when she had felt her lungs implode?

For another there was the incredible pressure to deliver. Even without the Illusive Man and Miranda breathing down her neck, watching her every move, judging her every decision, she felt immense, crushing pressure to perform. Sure, she had always been that way. She was no stranger to the pressures of battle or climbing ranks, but now with thousands of colonists lives at stake and further than that, all the species, she could not help the sudden black hole that opened in her chest and sucked her in bit by bit each day.

The final straw was something so simple, and so _childish_ that she was ashamed to even think about it. Shepard chastised herself over it constantly. The simple act that Cerberus had thought it a good idea to put a sky light directly over her bed was enough to send her into a panic most nights whenever she dazedly opened her eyes and saw the vastness of dark space. It took her back to being spaced, feeling the oxygen leave her lungs and suffocate her from the inside out.

Shepard sat up in bed with a snarl. She certainly didn’t put it past Cerberus to have done that on purpose. Maybe to keep her in line by reminding her of the fact that she owed them her life. Or perhaps they were simply fucked up individuals who enjoyed tormenting her. She would never let them see however. Never would she show them that weakness.

But now that she was awake, and having difficulty breathing no less, there was no point in staying under the damned sky light. Shepard stood, vision blurring at the edges briefly as another chord of anxiety arced through her lungs and up her throat. She pressed a hand to her mouth as if to keep from spilling.

She slid on her N7 sweats and hoodie and made her way downstairs. She had just finished her cup of tea and began to sip on it as she leaned against a counter when she heard the door to the main battery hiss open.

Garrus strode past, brow plates furrowed, and a stern thoughtful look in his eyes.

“Hey,” Shepard said simply.

Garrus turned to her in surprise, mandible flicking out briefly before snapping back against his face. “What are you doing up so late?”

“What are _you_ doing up so late?” Shepard mimicked as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Garrus watched her for a moment and Shepard suddenly took note of his visor still being on and the fact that he most certainly could read her elevated heart rate and clammy skin. Shepard’s hands dropped to her sides where she tried to casually wipe her palms against her thighs and not topple her tea.

“Are you alright, Shepard?” Garrus asked, flanged voice pitched with concern.

Shepard waved him off and took a large sip. It burned on the way down, but she did not mind. “Fine big guy. Just having some difficulty sleeping.”

“Still?” Garrus said with a chuckle and a tempered shake of his head. “No Wrex to keep you company like on the SR-1 huh?”

Shepard smiled at the fond memories. If no one else was awake to entertain her Wrex was. Entertain being the wrong word as Wrex mostly complained or boasted. Though somewhere in those sleepless nights spent up together they bonded. Shepard still wasn’t entirely sure when or how.

“It’s gotten worse actually,” Shepard laughed dismissively. “You never answered why you were up.”

Garrus paused for a moment and looked away from her. “My thoughts keep me up at night sometimes. And without you destroying the Mako every outing I have no real outlet for these nights except working on these firing algorithms.”

Shepard blinked at Garrus and really took him in. Sure, he was still an imposing force, tall and lethal and…exhausted. Shepard could see it in the dull shine of his eyes when he glanced at her. She could read it in the way his fingers almost struggled to move over the keys; in how his shoulders slumped forward a little more than they ever did in the past. “Take a damn break, Vakarian. That’s an order.”

Garrus’s mouth parted as he struggled to find the words to say. “Are you—serious?”

“Dead serious,” Shepard added.

Garrus gazed back at main battery with the newly installed Thanix canon then back at her in uncertainty. “What am I supposed to do?”

Shepard nearly laughed at the way he looked at her then, expectant, but unlike the others. This was more wonderous and wholesome in his confusion.

“I don’t know. What do you do for fun nowadays that doesn’t include work?”

“Target practice?”

“You’re the best shot on this whole damn ship beside myself. Pass.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” Garrus teased, then paused in thought. “Maintenance on armor and weapons?” he continued.

“That’s still work.”

“Not if you’re methodical about it. It’s rather relaxing.”

“Next.”

Suddenly Garrus looked nervous and he looked away from Shepard almost sheepishly. If a Turian could look sheepish. “Well there is…this vid I like to watch sometimes.”

“Yeah?” Shepard asked eagerly. “Let’s watch it.”

Garrus’s good mandible flared open for a second before snapping back into place. “Uh—what?”

Shepard folded her arms again and grinned at Garrus. “I said let’s watch it. Get whatever you need to be comfortable and meet me in my cabin in five.”

“You don’t even know what it is!”

“I don’t need to. Spending time with you is bound to be interesting.”

“Any time with you is already interesting enough,” muttered Garrus.

Shepard left him to collect his things and head back up to her cabin. Once she plopped down on her couch she was suddenly riddled with nerves. None of which made sense because this was Garrus, her best friend and confidant on this ship. Something was off that was for sure.

Tossing it aside believing it to be a byproduct of lack of sleep she patiently waited.

Garrus did not take long. In fact she had timed him and it took him just under five minutes before her cabin door dinged open to reveal him standing on the other side clad in a pair of turian sweats and an oddly shaped hoodie meant to accommodate his carapace.

Shepard grinned wolfishly at him. “Looking good, big guy.”

“Ha-ha very funny to pick on the ‘alien’ species,” Garrus deadpanned.

“No, I really mean it,” Shepard remedied. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you outside your armor before. It’s nice.”

Garrus strode in, confidence boosted, and fell into the couch beside her. “I couldn’t very well watch a great vid and be uncomfortable, now could I?”

Shepard gestured for him to set it up and once he did and the title card appeared, she couldn’t contain her snort.

“Do not judge me,” Garrus said sternly.

“I’m not I swear,” Shepard said with a wave of her hand. “I never would have pegged you as a Fleet and Flotilla kind of guy. Tali is the only one who ever spoke to me about it.”

“That’s actually how we bonded one night,” Garrus admitted sheepishly. “She brought up a new vid and we watched it together.”

“Aw cute.” Shepard nudged Garrus in the side. “Was there a blooming romance happening on the SR-1 right under my nose?”

Garrus turned to her, mandible splayed open. “Spirits, no! We’re just friends. We both just happen to have the same great taste in vids.”

Shepard nodded willing to drop the subject in favor of some quiet time. “Guess it’s time for me to see what all the hype is about.”

Garrus paused the video with lightning quick reflexes. “You’ve never seen any Fleet and Flotilla? Seriously?”

“I didn’t know it existed until Tali and even then, when would I have had the time to watch it?”

“Good point,” Garrus said. “Okay, if you have any questions feel free to ask.”

“Won’t that spoil the show?”

“I know you won’t watch this on your own anyway so the least I can do is catch you up to speed.”

Shepard suddenly got that flighty nearly nervous energy buzzing up through her. She swallowed it all down and said, “What if I keep watching it with you? We could make a night out of it each week.”

For a moment Shepard swore there was a blue hue arcing up Garrus’ neck. He coughed and her attention drew to his face.

“I think I can fit you into my schedule.”

Shepard smacked his shoulder with an affronted huff. “You better have time for me.”

“I always have time for you.”

There was something different in the way those words rolled off his tongue. Different in the way they made Shepard feel. Now it was her turn for her face to take on a pink hue. She turned away to fiddle with her omni-tool.

“Can you say that again? I need to record that so the next time you tell me to wait because you are in the middle of calibrations, I can play it back to you.”

Garrus’ laughter vibrated along her side where their arms were touching, and it was one of the most comforting sensations she had felt in ages. She leaned into him a little more hoping he would not notice.

“I don’t do that often.”

Shepard stared up at him and deadpanned, “yes you absolutely do.”

Garrus leaned towards her, face getting rather close. “Maybe we should run a tally.”

Shepard wasn’t stupid. She knew what attraction felt like and certainly understood that the reason she wanted to pull Garrus close in this moment was cause of that. The issue being how new all of this felt, how sudden. She was not going to mess things up between them because of some newfound attraction even if Garrus had exceptionally beautiful eyes and _wow_ , she had to stop before she acted out of turn.

“I’ll win. Watch.”

Garrus pulled back with another laugh. “Sure you will, Shep. Shall I start the vid?”

She nodded, uncertain if her voice would work if she answered verbally. And as the vid started up she tried to get comfortable and not act weird about exactly how close she and Garrus were sitting. It did not help matters when he threw an arm up over the rim of the couch draping his hand around her furthest shoulder.

He propped one leg over his opposing knee and reclined; the definition of relaxed. Meanwhile Shepard was sat awkwardly rigid trying hard to not think about how soft his fingers felt brushing against her shoulder or the warmth that radiated off him and how she ached to be closer.

Several minutes into the vid was when Shepard finally chastised herself for acting like a hormonal teenager. She was commander fucking Shepard and she could enjoy a vid with Garrus and not make things awkward.

She pulled up her knees and snuggled into Garrus’ side angling herself so she was comfortable enough to watch the vid without hurting her neck. Immediately Garrus cinched the arm around shoulder tugging her in closer. She wasn’t sure if it was reflexive or deliberate, but it made her heart soar and a smile spread her lips.

Emboldened, Shepard dropped her head to his chest, tucking herself in a little further until she was seated as comfortably as possible in the position they were in.

Garrus didn’t say anything, but Shepard swore she heard a soft rumbling, not dissimilar to a cat purring. It was that sound and vibration accompanied with the slow circles he drew on her shoulder that lulled her to sleep before they were even halfway through the vid.

Shepard woke feeling oddly well rested for once. It took her a long moment to rouse herself, wondering how she got in her bed when the last thing she remembered was watching a vid. Her heart jumped as she sat up and looked around the room for any sign of Garrus, but he was gone. With a sigh she fell back into her bed and stared up into that damn sky light.

That’s when she noticed the blinking light on her omni-tool signaling a new message. With a groan she rolled over and accessed it, surprised to find it was from Garrus.

Hey Shep,

You crashed pretty hard last night. I hope you don’t mind that I put you in bed. Figured it would be better than sleeping against me. I’m all hard plates and sharp angles you know.

Let’s do this again. Maybe next time you can stay awake to see the climax at least.

\- G.

Shepard grinned as she put her omni-tool down. Staring up at the skylight this time didn’t hurt quite as much. She wondered if maybe she could convince Garrus to come around more often. It made her room bearable. It made the situation better.

Hell, Garrus made everything better.

With that admission under her belt Shepard got ready for the day, already planning what to say during her visit to the main battery. And if her smile was a little wider, eyes a little brighter, as she made her way to the main battery nobody commented on it. They were content to see their commander happy regardless of who was responsible.

**Author's Note:**

> Is it ironic or just poetic that I wrote this during one of my own bouts of insomnia. Too bad I don't have a turian to help me sleep at night.
> 
> Also let's pretend Fleet and Flotilla is an ongoing series and not a single film. Cool.


End file.
